Enlightened Choices Newsletter for Women's Trauma Issues - From WIIT - The Women's Institute for Incorporation Therapy - Offering women's treatment programs for acute symptoms of psychological trauma including depression, bipolar, borderline personality, child abuse, sex abuse, trauma, survivor, dissociative disorder, PTSD, multiple personality, D.I.D., ritual abuse, incest and other trauma issues.

James and the Giant Peach:
Reflections on an Entertaining and Powerful Depiction of the Trauma Recovery Process

As the movie begins, we witness a trauma which is to change James' life forever. James' parents are violently slaughtered (by a rhinoceros.) James is sent to live with two aunts, where the trauma is set in stone through constant, repetitive abuse. These "caretakers" are cold, mean, vindictive, abusive and deprive James of basic needs both physical and emotional.

One day someone breaks through this isolated existence to make contact with James and challenges him with the possibility of something different — The belief that he has the power to make his dreams (which he's been convinced are impossible fantasies) come true. Once James acknowledges that spark of hope and begins to believe, strange and wonderful things happen.

Soon he finds himself on a perilous journey across a seemingly endless sea toward that land of his dreams. His support group and companions are a 'highly' unlikely group of unique individuals — each with their own mysterious way of contributing to the process.

On this journey James is challenged continuously by situations which threaten to squelch his vision of hope and possibility. Yet he discovers within himself an ever present source of creativity and uses this again and again to surmount the obstacles which present themselves.

Upon arriving in the land of his dreams, he immediately becomes the focus of attention due to his very different mode of travel and "way of being." People are curious and open to hearing his story. For a sweet moment, life seems bright, James feels free! But suddenly his abusers (2 aunts) appear and do everything he states as his experience/his truth. They attempt to convince all those present including James himself, that he is a lost little boy who needs them to survive.

This is a crucial moment for James. Does he become consumed by shame and self-doubt and return to his old life...or does he stand strong? James chooses to stand strong...to state his "outwardly unbelievable" truth. And, as James makes this statement of belief in himself and his truth, with conviction, all that uplifts and supports that truth becomes evident to all around.

James has gained the respect of all those present. In time James is lifted up as an individual with valuable gifts to share. He shares those gifts and lives of life of contentment, fulfillment and joy.

I experienced James and the Giant Peach to be an entertaining, engrossing and even humorous film which illustrates the process of recovery and self discovery in a startling parallel to the process presented to me at the Women's Institute. It inspired in me determination to move through the challenges (points of choice), standing strong for my belief in myself and my truth and using my gifts without doubt or restraint.

I have reviewed many movies which encourage/motivate me in my recovery process. This is one of the most enjoyable aspects of my affirmation process.

Whew!!
The Holiday's Are Finally Over!!

Well, we finally made it through the holiday's and we made it alive. The stresses of the holiday season sometimes seem as though it is too much to handle. We tend to worry about everyone around us, making sure that the holiday season is perfect for them. The perfect gift purchase, holiday cards, deadlines, business functions, and family gatherings seem to lie in the forefront of our minds. Taking care of ourselves becomes unimportant when it should be top priority.

The holiday season is a difficult time for everyone, especially for one in recovery. We tend to look at the holiday's as something from a "Hallmark" card or a "Norman Rockwell" painting. Sure it would be great to have the perfect family standing beside the piano singing carols but for most of us that is not possible. Finding the holiday spirit inside us is what is important. Remembering the love and respect we have for ourselves is necessary for survival. If we can make a good Christmas for ourselves then the ones around us will too.

Now that we have made it past the season and we have started a new year, it's time to get back to work. Take some time to stop and reflect on all that has happened in the past year. Look at both the good and bad. It is also important to take note of what we have learned and the successes we have achieved in our recovery. We have grown over the past year and now have stronger tools to continue our growth. While our resistance is low from all the holiday pressures, doubt can creep its way back into our thoughts. Don't let it cause us to underestimate our accomplishments. The new year has opened a door to all that is new and wonderful.

A new year signifies a time to start anew. A new year signifies a time for change. Our recovery signifies change. We have wished, hoped, worked, and sacrificed to attain recovery. There are no rules or boundaries for how far we can change. As we have learned that we have the creative power and strength to be whatever we want to be as long as we make a decision, commitment and then are willing to work for it. The sky is the limit.

It is time to re-evaluate our positive affirmations and self concept from last year. Keep the affirmations that we are still working on, let go of the ones we have accomplished and add new ones to assist with new goals for growth. Read over our self concept to determine if it is still coincides with the concept we now have developed in our mind over the last twelve months. If it doesn't match, then change it. It is not written in stone. Once the new concept is written Then practice it and practice it.

Whether we want to recognize it or not, we survived the year and the holidays and we still have us. It's a new period of growth before us. Go ahead, change. It is good for self.

Why does it look like everyone else is living life with ease? Doesn't everyone else have difficulty making decisions in their life? Aren't people and situations making big impacts on how others are living? Although it looks like the people you come in contact with "have it all together", chances are they are struggling with the same things you are in life. The difference is they understand the "practice concept".

The practice concept helps us to understand that we take risks in life. Some risks are little, others are major but the risk is there in every decision we make. No one knows ahead of time what the results of their decision will be, positive or negative. We just make decisions on what we know. Learning all we can about the issue will enable us to make more informed decisions, but still with risks. Every decision we make builds up our skills to make other decisions. We practice with each one. Everyone does.

As part of your recovery you will be practicing. Practicing the new skills you are learning and developing in therapy and out of therapy. At times you will be successful and at other times you will make the wrong decision. Keep practicing. Keep processing. Keep learning.

Each time you make a good decision, process and learn what made this one have positive results. When the decision is not so effective, process to find out what could have been done differently.

Anytime you make a decision and take responsibility for the consequences, positive or negative, you are successful. There are not failures in decisions, responsibility, and consequences. You grow, you learn, you make changes with each "practice session."

Keep practicing.
Keep processing.
Keep learning.

Just like a toddler who learns to walk and run after a lot of falls and skinned knees and like the adolescent who learns about relationships after many tears and hurt, you will also learn after a lot of opportunities to practice. Learning opportunities are about practicing. Each time you leave your therapy session you are given the opportunity to practice in your daily life all the skills, the values, the beliefs you are developing. Use the time outside of therapy as learning opportunities and process the results in your next session. As you continue to practice and process you will, eventually, find yourself ready to leave therapy and practice more as you successfully take back your power and control and use it to LIVE. Remember we are all practicing and learning each day.

Lost within my rocky fortress of fear, pain and strife.
Peering outward athirst to know
searching of wells
around, about below.

Can you love me? Be my friend?

Ah!
Desert dry again, again,
and again.

Questing with hammer and chisel
Scrutinizing with pick and axe.

Tools I need to break through
and find my waterwell of love WITHIN

As I hammer, chisel and pick
slowly
drip by drip
inkling by inkling
and pain by pain
the well begins to spring again.

And the child within
comes forth to remain.

Hugs are fat-free,
sugar-free and require
no batteries.
Hugs reduce blood
pressure, body temperature
nd heart rate and help
relieve pain and depression.

Redeem this coupon at your nearest participating human being. Returns cheerfully accepted. Copy this coupon and circulate to co-workers and friends.

Through recreation
we can find engaging
and enjoyable ways
to re-create
ourselves.

Let me start by clarifying recovery. Too often this is taken as a term that only applies to someone in a 12 step program. For the purposes of this article, recovery is that time period after a dramatic intervention in ones emotional state, when one begins to make positive changes in their life by making decisions which enhance their well-being; By doing things that are positive for themselves and by avoiding behaviors and situations which are negative for themselves.

Please notice that the words easy, fun, fair, fine and comfortable are not mentioned in my definition. The emotions that come with "doing recovery" are sometimes quite difficult. They are not to be acted on but shared with safe people and lived through. If you really are "working" at your recovery, your life will begin to normalize. There won't be the never ending cycle of emotional crisis, the extreme highs and lows, the intensity of emotion. Unfortunately, the absence of all those intense emotions is often interpreted as boredom. We miss the excitement (stress, anxiety, concern, anticipation, disappointment, regret, etc.), nothing seems to be happening.

Boredom can be a very dangerous state. To begin with, excitement is no further away than a return to your old thinking and behaviors. Preposterous you say, why would I want to do such a thing? Because even if it hurts, something is going on, there isn't that sense of loss and what's it all about that comes with "boredom." Now many of us are astute enough to realize that the siren call to "the good old days" is a call to disaster. However, we are often ill prepared for the single most effective way that we escape our troubled selves. It's the instant excitement and intense flood of positive emotion that is too often called "Love."

Ah yes, the worlds natural emotional narcotic. What better way for a Dissociative to avoid themselves than this. I can feel wonderful, focus on someone else, be filled with hopes and dreams and my own personal struggles just seem to melt away. Unfortunately, so too does your effort to stay in touch with the reality of your own individual emotions and your recovery. Worse than that, the choice you made staring wide eyed across your therapy group or meeting room is almost certain to end in disaster. Oh, it won't feel that way in the beginning. "How can anything that feels this good be bad?" Surely this is meant to be. Let's try thinking for a minute instead of feeling. Remember, three year olds make decisions based on their emotions and have no awareness of the long term consequences which might be involved. Adults are capable of rational thought and base their decisions on what will be best for them in the long run, not on immediate and irresponsible gratification.

If you are wherever you are working on trying to get well, what do you think he's doing there? If you don't know yourself yet, what makes you think he knows himself or that he could possibly know the real you? If, starting with your parents (or lack of them) the relationships in your life have played a large part in your ending up in treatment, why is it that this one will "fix" you? Because it feels good? Lots of things feel good! Many of them are bad for us. "But we'll get well together, we'll support each other, we'll be each others sponsor, we'll discover who we are as we grow together." Please notice that personal recovery involves one person. Me. To turn Me into We, we have to turn the M into a W. This is accomplished by turning the M upside down. Upside down things are just that. Upside down!............ Oh well, back to the treatment center.

I yearn for the peace of solitude
hidden deep within myself
where, no one but, Me, can be found....

The quietness found only in the
realms of my far from "man-made" world
that nothing can call Me out
never invaded by other's thoughts...

Only, Me, allowing any shadow of intrusion
invading the secrecy controlled by Me...

A safe place to hide — where "no one" will ever find me — never again will we lay prey to "their" destruction...

Not to be hurt by their depth of awareness invading my self-esteem...

I will never allow "anyone" to invade my world again...

My hidden place is just for me...

No one knows and no one will see...

As "we" are buried seep within the cold moist ground — secret to anyone but "them"...

I wonder who else is in there?

Letter sent to WIIT offices:
Enclosed is a money order for $50 for use in the production of Enlightened Choices. Each year during the holiday season I give what I can to support what I see to be a good outreach project.

I received my first copy of Enlightened Choices last week. It was invaluable because it reminded me to respect and be patient with my healing process - facing it as "a challenge and not a sentence." I have found very little in the way of support for those challenged with Dissociative Disorder so EC is a welcome lifeline.

I am privileged to have this opportunity to support a newsletter which shared truth, strength, encouragement and hope with many (including myself) striving to transform themselves and become the beautiful individuals they are.

- Lisa, NJ

The money sent was used in the purchase of a scanner for the newsletter. In the future, (the future being now) we can include drawings that people have done in the newsletter also. More about that on page 7.

Dear Editor of Enlightened Choices,
Thank you so much for sending me "Enlightened Choices." I thought I had lost contact but now have a connection....

- Jennifer S.

Dear Editor:
I am so excited about this newsletter showing up at my door the other day. I had lost track of Dr. Bill and I'm so glad he has resurfaced. It is also so incredibly important to have a forum to hear each other. Abusers have so much at stake and want so much for us to be SILENT. We cannot let this happen.

Recovery is so painful and so difficult, and I appreciate the opportunity to read about the "enlightened choices" that others are making today. I need to know I'm not alone. I need to hear that it's hard for others too. And I really needed to hear that there are no short cuts. People at my job (where I spend 80% of my day) tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself, change therapists, forget about the past, etc. etc. Walking through my pain seems to frighten and frustrate a lot of people. It's really tiring to be pushed and pulled to fit another's idea of what it's like to be a woman.

I would be interested in hearing from other survivor's about reparenting skills; in particular, what to do when your little girl refuses to do what you want her to. My little girl is absolutely stubborn about certain things - like food......

- MJR, NY

I would really like to thank everyone who has taken the time to write to me about Enlightened Choices. I do put a lot of myself into this newsletter and I'm glad it's helping others as well as me.

- Editor

When I get a thought
Suddenly the feeling hits
Running from myself

Stuffing makes me feel sick
In Chicago bodies on the street
When I remember

Emptiness inside
Behind me forever more
Alone or in a crowd

My eyes open wide
Oh how I can't believe it
The magic is there

The Rainbows of my heart
reach out
for courage,
strength,
healing and
hope.

I am learning to accept each color just as it is,
without judging them or
putting them to shame -
as in the past.

But, fortunately, the past is OVER.

I am learning to blend each color into beautiful new colors Colors of the future -
love,
peace,
joy, and above all-

TOGETHERNESS.

The pains within me
Are childhood feelings
That burn in tomorrow's Light.

As I learn to cope
I recapture the great strength
Our little girl had.

For years she was sad
Because THEY were BAD
In the only home she had.

No longer does she hide tears
From long ago years
For the pain is gone.

Our dome is our brand new home
A fun place to live
Yes, we all move on.

All fulfilling new functions
With much love to give
We all want to live.

Memories may stay
But no longer block the way
As I learn to cope.

Recently I had the pleasure of hearing Dr. Bill speak in the "real" world. I went anticipating a pleasant afternoon, and leaving there unencumbered. What I got was more homework! Before Bill spoke he told me that if I was going to hear him speak I needed to write an article for the newsletter about what it was like. Diane and Joan were sitting there agreeing with him. How could this be, I wasn't in the hospital any more and they were still giving me assignments. At first I wanted to chalk that suggestion up to a sugar high from all the dessert they were eating (Diane had to throw her strawberries a couple life savers so they could survive being drowned in chocolate), but I thought about it a while and decided to give it a shot.

I guess I can't complain though. I ate as much sugar, if not more, than they did. That was really strange though. Picture yourself going to a dessert table at a buffet filled with all kinds of scrumptious things with Dr. Bill, the "no sugar or caffeine on the unit" guy.

In all seriousness though, I really enjoyed listening to Dr. Bill speak. Listening to some of the questions the "professionals" asked was a bit scary but everyone needs to be educated before they become knowledgeable. At the break, there were several people heading out to the smoking area, right where I was going, and I heard them saying that they had decided they had two or three of "these people" in their practice. I actually heard one woman say she was sure she had five. I know they say that there are a lot more multiples around than people think but if these people were right, about three quarters of the addictions clients in treatment were multiples. I wanted so bad to jump in and correct some of their errors in their thinking but I didn't (a big step for me). I knew they would ask more questions and Bill wasn't done talking to them yet so they would get straightened out.

After Bill spoke he asked me if I had learned anything new. In all honesty, I told him no and his response was that I didn't really need to be there then. It's nice to know I'm getting better and moving into wellness but I would disagree with him on my need to be there. I took a lot away from his talk and just in seeing both him and Diane. It reaffirmed and reminded me of things I needed to be doing for myself so I can stay in wellness.

Later that night some of the things that people had been saying during lunch and over the course of the afternoon came back to me. Some of it made me angry and some upset me a little but the neat thing about this wellness stuff is that I could handle it. No crisis, just life. And I know that if it ever gets to the point that I can't, there are people out there who genuinely care about me and whom I trust. I just have to figure out a way to avoid the homework!

I still find the fight overwhelming trying to control the seemingly endless fear raging from their human invasion causing the tearing and ripping away at the flesh in desperate anguish, a release from the bodies' anger held deep within.

Emotions run a maze of bizarre trails in desperate search for any acceptable meaning that some how might escape from the chaos caused from their merge of intangible minds.

The intoxication of their knowledge causes me to regurgitate the filth held within the cavity they so mindfully and systematically controlled.

Bitter herbs accelerate the nausea of gender so mechanically left nondistinguishable of any characteristics known to the Creator's hands.

Existence becomes more fearful than non-existence!

Embarrassment and self-rejection begins the continuous battle for self-denial and fear of ever being exposed.

Their skillful tools of demoralization are yet another warning to the endless pain of exposure and self-destruction leaving the thread-line of hope and survival in trust.